7 Quick Takes: Nuptiality, Sexuality, and Pot Roast

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My sister Elizabeth got married on Saturday! Definitely the biggest news around here. It was a simple, intimate wedding, exactly what Jason and Liz wanted. A lifetime of joy to you!

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I adapted this recipe for the slow cooker yesterday.  And changed a bunch of stuff, so I think it counts as being original.

Trim a 2 1/2 lb. chuck roast of all visible fat.  Heat a tbsp of oil in a skillet, sear the meat on all sides.  Put meat aside.  Saute one chopped onion, 3 cloves minced garlic, and a package of sliced mushrooms in the pan.  Put the vegetables in a crock pot, put the meat on top.  Add a bay leaf, 1 tsp salt, 1/2 tsp pepper. Pour a can of beef broth over the whole thing.  Cook on low four hours.

Add 1/2 cup of pearl barley, cook on low another four hours.

Remove meat.  Stir in 1 1/2 cups of frozen peas, turn heat to high.  Peas will be ready in about five minutes.  Empty crock-pot into a colander set over a bowl to catch the gravy.  Yum.

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Note to self:  Do not chop onions while wearing the baby.  She cries too!

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Speaking of baby wearing, I've been wearing Katie Rose pretty much All. The. Time.  With Anthony, I would wear him because I'd read about how beneficial being close to Mother is for babies.  This time it's because I need two hands free when Anthony's around, I don't like moving the baby from one landing zone to another constantly, she doesn't take kindly to being left in the swing or bouncer for more than a few minutes anyway, and I need to protect her from her big brother's affections!  So purely practical, not at all idealistic.  I've read that first borns tend to be idealists, while second borns are pragmatists.  I believe it!

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I'm back to doing French lessons with Rosetta Stone.  I took a hiatus when baby time came, but I actually remembered all of the vocabulary!  Hurray!  Now I'm on to some more about families.  The phrases for hugging and kissing in France are quite difficult to me.  If I go to France I'll just have to maintain my personal space.  I like that the words for "wife" and "woman" are the same.   It is in the nature of the woman to be a wife.  Every vocation is nuptial: We can be married to a man or else be brides of Christ. "Her desire will be for her husband."

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In the same vein, my friend Kate shared a crazy thought with me this week:  Ballroom dancing is really Theology of the Body in a nutshell.  It's actually quite brilliant.  I keep coming up with more ways it fits.  Here are a few:  You can only dance with one person.  It needs to be male-female pairings to really work.  The man has to lead.  If both try to lead, they fight each other, and if neither leads, nothing happens.  If the woman leads, it doesn't really work so well because the woman's role is to be receptive.  She is the one being spun around, dipped, etc. in most dance moves.  They could technically make it work, but it would require much more effort in communication than if they did it the traditional way (e.g. The man only has to turn his hand a certain way for her to spin around.).  It's easy to come up with them.  Share yours in the comments, if you're feeling inspired.

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Kudos to the Boy Scouts for holding fast to their policy of excluding gays from being members or leaders.  And boo to Mitt Romney for trying to appeal to both sides on matter.  Romney's been an all-around disappointment, so this is really no surprise.  Fence sitter since 1994.  At least he's consistent.  Bah.  Anyway, I wanted to talk about the Boy Scouts.  The Supreme Court upheld their right to exclude whomever they wish as they are a private organization, but the pressure has naturally been turned way up of late.  I hope they stay strong.  They're absolutely right to keep gays out.  The great thing, or one of the great things, about the Boy Scouts is that they are unapologetically masculine.  That is a rare, rare thing nowadays.  Even the military is more and more feminized!  Boys need to experience manliness, to test their mettle against nature together with other boys.  Adding a gay kid to the group would completely change the group dynamics, no matter how much sensitivity training occured beforehand.  This shouldn't need to be explained, but it would just be plain awkward to have to share a tent with someone who might be sexually attracted to you.  Boy Scouts ought to be a safe place to test and develop one's manhood.  Adding homosexuals to the mix would automatically hinder that process by making it self-conscious.  It wouldn't be fair to the majority of the boys, and most likely the gay child would have a hard time of it, too.  They would sense that their presence is a problem, even if everyone were outwardly very accepting.  And homosexual leaders are just a bad, bad, bad idea.  Let's not repeat the clergy abuse scandals that arouse from admitting gays to the priesthood.  If people object to this policy, they can start their own organization rather than bully the Boy Scouts into changing it.  The American Heritage Girls were founded as an alternative to the ever more liberal Girl Scouts, and they are thriving.



For more Quick Takes, visit Conversion Diary!

A Day in the Tunnel

The "tunnel of parenthood" is those early years, when your kids are all still very young, very dependent, and you're still rather unsure of yourself too. I will often think of it when things are tough in my life as a mother. They will not be this way forever, they will get more independent and reasonable, although it's sometimes hard to see that light. Like today.

Today I took both children to Mass.  Alone.  Already you know where this is going, I'm sure.  We went to the playground beforehand with the idea that if Anthony ran off a chunk of his energy he'd be better behaved.  Ha. 

This is how we spent Mass:  We arrived early enough but were actually late from going potty.  Again.  Settle in just before the Gospel.  Anthony whines really loudly; tries to pick up sleeping Katie Rose, waking her; tries to climb into my lap while I'm nursing, making me expose myself to the gentleman behind us; and/or tries to empty the diaper bag into the lap of the gentleman behind us.  We make a racket leaving for disciplinary action to be taken.  Anthony doesn't seem to care about said action, and just wants to play out in the vestibule.  Well, in my battle-fatigued mind I can't reward his misbehavior by giving him what he wants, so back in we go.  Rinse both hands in the holy water font and repeat.

By the time we finally get to Communion, everyone is done.  I had already determined that on the way back from receiving I would scoop up the long-abandoned carseat from our pew and make a graceful (i.e. immediate) exit.

About a third of the way up the aisle, Anthony plunks his bottom down and refuses to move.  Of course he's whining, too.  After a few awful seconds of standoff, I had no choice but to pick him up.  Mercifully, he shut up.  So here I go charging down the aisle, newborn in the ring sling, toddler under my arm as if I'm about to score a touchdown.  I certainly wasn't in a recollected state of mind to receive Holy Communion.  My state of mind was more like, "JesusMaryandJosephhelpmenow!"  I really, really, needed a major infusion of grace just then.  The priest seemed to think so, too.  He gave Anthony two blessings.

So we get back to our pew like this.  I have no choice but to put Anthony down in order to pick up the carseat and diaper bag.  Again that child won't follow me, and resumes his whining.  Now what do I do?  "Anthony, we're going home." Nothing doing. "Come on!  Now!"  The older gentleman is probably ready to kill me now.   "Come on, wee're going outside."  "OutSIDE!  OutSIIIIIIIIIDE!!!!"  "Yes, now come quietly with mommy." 

As I'm opening the door to leave, he turns and blows Jesus a kiss.

Feeling Normal Again

Katie Rose is now one month old.  What a month it has been!  But I realized today that I feel as if she's always been here.  She's our irreplacable little girl.  And it's just the way God meant it to be.

Blogging has been way at the bottom of my list of priorities this past month.  Okay, okay, that's usually where it is anyway. So here are some backlogged Baptism photos:

May 5:  The best moment of her life, and she sleeps through it.

Parents and godparents, our dear friends Katie and Chuckie.

(The rest of the pictures are more current.)  I'm grateful that I am feeling healthy again, enough to really enjoy having two children.  Most of the time, anyway. :)  There are still moments of not being sure of how to handle the active toddler while being stuck on the couch nursing for the fifth time this morning, but those are already becoming surprisingly routine.  And so not the end of the world.  He's already used to hearing, "Wait until the baby is finished eating."  We're reading a lot more books and learning the virtues of patience and putting someone else's needs first.  I suppose the old saying is true, that everything unknown is taken for wonderful. Actually it's a Latin phrase, I believe beginning with "Ignotus," and all a cursory Google gives me is Harry Potter fan fiction about Ignotus Peverell.  If anyone knows the phrase I'd be much obliged.

So to get it out of the way:  Why I was on bedrest for ten days of the last thirty.  Firstly, crazy bleeding after delivery left me very weak.  Then retained placenta caused more crazy bleeding.  That appears to have been resolved by Methergen, without need for surgery.  Lastly, the nastiest case of mastitis of my motherhood career to date. More drugs appear to have done their job.

It's amazing to me just how quickly the "normal" feeling is coming back, given all the above medical drama and all the soothsaying out there about how hard it is adjusting to two children.  Don't misunderstand me, I'm not saying it's easy!  Certainly not!  It's just that the feeling of dread I had about the first few days after my mother left town and my husband went back to work is definitely gone now.  I'm starting to settle back into a routine, by which I mean there's a very real possibility of having dinner ready and a load of laundry put away, with plenty of playtime and outside time for everyone.  I wish I hadn't worried so much about the adjustment part.  I'm confident it will feel completely normal soon.

Meanwhile, I'm just enjoying the ride.  Thank you for all your prayers for my recovery.  It also helps to have had so many generous friends to help with meals and childcare in the beginning, so I could regain my health to tackle Level 2 of motherhood.  We are just so blessed all around!

Preparations

The baby pretended to come on Tuesday.  I was really sure it was real labor this time.  Contractions got to 6 minutes apart, starting from the back, and strong enough for me to be doing hands-and-knees on each one.  But no, after seven hours she (or he) decided to stay put after all.  I was disappointed, and a little embarrassed for having called in the troops yet again.

I know it's silly to be embarrassed since I have no control over these things, but I just can't help feeling bad that my dear friends had to drop everything to help us take care of our son and my husband missed half a day of work for what was just "practice" labor.  The good news is I now know that our D-Day strategy works just fine, and we are very blessed with really wonderful friends!  After two false alarms, Anthony is also getting used to spending long hours without Mama at his godparents' house, so I definitely won't be so worried about him when the time really does come.  They have a big dog that actually lets Anthony ride her like a horse and lots of kids to play with and he just loves it there.

This whole false alarm thing is new to me.  With Anthony, I had no Braxton-Hicks whatsoever, and when labor started it kicked into high gear within the first hour.  The whole process from first contraction to birth was about nine hours.  I suppose I ought to refer to it as "trial labor" or "practice labor," because that's more positive-sounding and that really is what my body is doing.  I've been re-reading my Bradley books and practice labor is actally beneficial for the baby, because it helps the baby get into the best position and is gentler overall than an all-at-once fast-and-furious descent.  For me, I'm less likely to tear and likely to have a shorter, less painful labor because some of the work has already been done.

I think it was also a blessing because it made this new baby seem more real to me.  That might sound odd, since I've been feeling kicks and so forth for a long time now.  Or maybe the way I'm feeling is perfectly normal for second-time and after mothers.  Throughout this pregnancy I've been primarily focused on my child who is requiring my constant attention as he coasts on his little bike down our neighbor's driveway right into the street.  This baby's comparatively easy.  All I have to do is eat and drink and she's taken care of.  I'm sure once the baby arrives the balance of attention will shift, but up until now it's certainly been skewed in Anthony's favor!

 

I'm realizing now that everything really IS about to change in our family.  I'm at once savoring the way things are now and getting excited about the little one who will be here so very soon.  We had a special spontaneous day at the zoo last week, just Anthony and me.  It will probably be a long time before we ever have just the two of us again, and by that time he will probably be very different than he is now!  I just won't be able to give him this kind of attention for much longer.  Actually, that's already been true on those days where I'm just so tired from being pregnant.  It sounds bittersweet, but it really isn't.  He's definitely benefitting in the long term by receiving the gift of a new brother or sister!  He just has no idea what he's in for!  And neither do Ryan and I, really.  But I do know that it's going to be wonderful.

Birth Plan

We're getting so close to baby time already!  Only about a month left!  I finished up our birth plan tonight.  I'm posting it in case it would be of interest to any of you soon-to-be-giving birth women who read this blog.  (Praying for you!)  We're definitely seeking a natural birth, which I suppose in the obstetric world qualifies us as "crunchy."  We took Bradley classes, which in the natural birthing world is pretty "establishment" since it advocates hospital birth.  I have no desire to eat my placenta or anything like that, I think it's just more evidence-based practice than the current medical model of childbirth is!  Really, I could go on and on about how many standard procedures are just really stupid, but I shan't.  At least not in this post. :)  You can get a good idea of my views from the birth plan.

The format for the birth plan is somewhat awkward, what with just about everything being under "Special Labor Requests," but that's the format my midwives requested.  And of course I edited out identifying information.  I have an addendum for induction and c-section, which is sort of cheating because I'm supposed to keep it to one page.  I felt it wasn't fair to make me waste precious space on what I really really don't want.  So I'll only share that part with the midwives if necessary.  But you, O privileged reader, get the addendum too.


I'm really pleased with my midwives overall.  They have always been very much supportive of my desire for natural birth, which is why I switched to their practice at 30 weeks during my last pregnancy.  There are things about the hospital environment which I don't like and can't control, like not being able to opt out of having a hep lock or the never ending parade of doctors, nurses, and social workers coming your postpartum room to check if you're getting enough rest.  But the thing is, my midwives don't like those things either!  Really, I feel like the birth plan is more for the benefit of the hospital staff.  It's good for the midwives too, for sure, because they can't remember everything I want, but generally speaking they don't just do things because it's the standard procedure the way hospital staff often do.

 

 

And finally, this isn't really part of the birth plan but I'm so excited that we've settled on names!  If this baby is a boy he will be John Christopher.  I think it's a strong name for the New Evangelization (St. John the Evangelist, and "Christ bearer").  Whether we call him John or Johnny or Jack will depend on his personality and just what ends up sticking.  If we have a girl she will be Kathryn Grace, to be called Katie Grace.  Her patrons will be St. Catherine Laboure and Our Lady of Grace.

Birth Plan

Due Date May 1, 2012

***If at any time the baby appears to be in danger of dying or being stillborn, please baptize him or her as soon as possible by pouring water over the head and saying, “I baptize you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.”  Anyone may do this.

Support People During Labor:  Ryan (husband), Kate (friend)

Special Labor Requests:

            Admission:  We would like to labor at home as long as possible.  If we arrive in hospital and I am dilated to 5 cm or fewer, we would like the option of returning home before going through the full admissions process.

            Hospital Environment:  Reasonable privacy and a calm, focused environment are important to me so please keep voices down and my door closed during labor.  Please keep vaginal exams and monitoring to an absolute minimum.  I would like to have as much freedom of movement as possible.  If the equipment is available, I would like to have access to a birthing ball, squatting bar, birthing stool, and labor tub.  I understand that I cannot give birth in the tub.  Any students present may observe only.  I would like to wear my own clothes during labor and postpartum. 

Second Stage:  It is important for me to be able to choose whichever pushing position feels right at the time, including squatting or on hands and knees.  I prefer no time limits on pushing as long as baby is okay.  To prevent tearing, please use perineal massage and hot compresses.  I would rather tear than have an episiotomy, but if an episiotomy is necessary I prefer a pressure episiotomy if possible.

After Baby is Born:  I would like my baby to be placed immediately skin-to-skin with me for nursing and bonding.  Please delay all newborn procedures such as weighing until we have had a chance to nurse both breasts.  I am interested in participating in the Kangaroo Care study.  We decline eye ointment and Hepatitis B vaccine.  For myself, please allow the placenta to be expelled spontaneously, without pulling on the cord. Please use local anesthesia for any necessary repairs.  In postpartum, I would like complete rooming-in with my baby.  Please don't disturb me in postpartum if it's not absolutely necessary.  I would like as short of a stay in the hospital as possible.

Pain Control:  Please do not offer pain medication unless I request it.

Cut the Cord:  Only after it stops pulsating on its own.

Breast or Bottle Feed:  Exclusive breastfeeding.  No artificial nipples of any kind, please.

Circumcision:  No, thank you.


Birth Control:  Ecological breastfeeding.  If we see you again next year, Deus vult!


Postpartum help:  Ryan will have some paternity leave time and my mother is coming for a week.

Baby’s Doctor:

Addendum:  In Case of Induction or Cesarean

Induction:  I would like to avoid induction as long as baby and I are healthy.  If I am “overdue,” I would like to try natural techniques first.  These include walking, nipple stimulation, sexual intercourse, and chiropractic.  If medical induction is necessary, please give us time alone to discuss before we agree to any intervention.  We want to be fully confident that we are doing the best thing for our baby with any plan of action and not be rushed unless it is a true emergency.

           

Cesarean:  We really would rather not have one of these!  If a Cesarean is not a true emergency, please give Ryan and me time alone to discuss before asking for written consent.  Ryan is to be present at all times, and I would like to remain conscious during the procedure if possible.  As much as possible, I would like the rest this birth plan to still apply in the event of a c-section.  If I cannot immediately nurse, etc. after the birth, please allow Ryan to hold the baby skin-to-skin until I can.  I will sign any waivers necessary to permit me to be with my baby in recovery, and would like my catheter and IV removed ASAP after recovery.

Nursing without a Cover?

 

This post at Banned from Baby Showers, a natural birthing blog I follow, got me thinking today. Donna is a very straightforward and unapologetic, which is why I like her blog so much. This particular post argues in favor of nursing without a cover. Not being an exhibitionist, but not "hiding" under a big tent either. Nursing obviously in public like this will help to normalize breastfeeding, and help to educate people about breastfeeding. I think this is a key quote about using a cover: "...it is obvious that you are hiding it, so by the very nature of the hiding behavior, it must be shameful or embarrassing."

 

I both agree and disagree. I'm not nursing currently, but when I was I often felt more obvious nursing in public using a specially made nursing cover, and would prefer to use a burp cloth or receiving blanket if my son would cooperate, or even just my shirt if it were voluminous enough. I would still be "hiding," even more so than with the nursing cover, really. But I was not embarrassed or ashamed to be nursing my son in public. There were those inevitable moments where I would suddenly be exposed and I'd have to make a quick grab for the blanket, but very soon I learned to take those moments in stride. I was just taking care of my baby, and really I wasn't worried about everyone else's opinions. There were times I would not bother with covering up, but those were when I was at home or I really didn't mind if my close females friends and family saw my nipples and knew they wouldn't mind either. The difference between when I nursed "openly" versus covered up had nothing to do with my being ashamed of my body or of breastfeeding. It had everything to do with intimacy.

 

Really, breastfeeding is a very intimate act. Shelia Kippley, in her book Breastfeeding and Catholic Motherhood, has an entire chapter devoted to in-depth comparisons between the marital act and the act of breastfeeding. When I saw that while I was still pregnant, I thought that was kind of weird. Then I learned that she was absolutely spot on. I think most modern people would agree that sexual intercourse is not shameful, yet most modern people would still prefer to have sex privately! Intimate things by their very nature wish for privacy, to be protected from public witness. Breastfeeding isn't meant for public display. I do think that the "It's no different from feeding a bottle" crowd actually sell nursing short. It's also perfectly natural to feed an older baby solid food, but there is a fundamental difference between spoonfeeding and breastfeeding, and that is the mother's gift of herself, of her body, to her child.

 

But on the other hand, babies get hungry all the time, and I do feel strongly that hungry babies shouldn't be banished from public life, made to eat in the bathroom (yuck!), or else given bottles. I view public nursing as a necessity. We shouldn't over-sentimentalize or spiritualize breastfeeding. There is a definite virtue in being matter-of-fact about the function of the breast in providing nourishment, and it's not the end of the world to accidentally flash the entire congregation for a moment. Chances are very few people even noticed. While the breast is definitely sexual, breastfeeding women do have the right to expect a little maturity and understanding from the rest of society. And the rest of society has the right to expect breastfeeding women to at least attempt to be discreet.

The pictures in this post were all from this wonderful gallery at Fisheaters.